(*As an opening caveat, I would like to recognize the melodrama inherent in the title of this post, and acknowledge that I am in fact a very lucky person, with a very wonderful life, especially when compared to large parts of this world. That being said, problems are still problems, even if they are in the first world. And sometimes a nice ranty rant is just…well…..nice.)
First of all, it would appear that I kind of suck at the whole blogging thing. The idea was to keep a blog as a means of keeping all of the people I love informed about my life at once, without having to repeat everything a bunch of times.
What I didn’t realize was that I would BARELY have time to keep myself informed of the things going on in my life, let alone other people.
To paraphrase, med school is busy. And I knew it would be busy, so this is not a great shock to me. However, after having a year off, and pretty much infinite free time within that year, having to spend most of my waking time doing stuff that is not whatever-happens-to-strike-my-fancy is a bit of an adjustment.
Not to say that I do not love it. I LOVE IT. I love talking to patients, and I love learning about medicine, and I love (most of) the people that I get to work with. Balancing all of that with all of the ‘self discovery’ bullshit that my twenties are supposed to be about (so sitcoms tell me) is a bit tricksy.
For example, I weinered out on the 5K I was supposed to run. There. I said it. Training was going well, I was able to run pretty far without ye olde broke foot giving me any trouble and then…I just stopped making time. And when I had spare time, my options became run, shower or nap. Shower and nap always win. ALWAYS.
Then there’s the whole learning to drive thing. I don’t know why I didn’t do this when I was 16 LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, (I do know why, but that’s another diatribe for another time), but I’m trying to do it now. And it’s kicking my butt. Yesterday I backed my friend’s car into a schoolbus. (In my defense, it was really dark and rainy. There was no one in the schoolbus, thank yarn.)
I only broke the tail-light, but the repair is going to run me about $200. On top of that, I failed my road test this morning, which is a double bummer. I am seriously considering sticking with bicycle transport for the rest of forever.
Then of course there’s familial obligations. My parents came up for my white coat ceremony, which happened to also be my birthday. It was super great to see them, and show them my new surroundings. Unfortunately, they brought with them a bit of bad news about someone I really love at home, and I’ve been having a hard time coming to terms with it.
Shortly after they left, more bad news in the form of my Nana breaking a hip. Now, Nana’s as tough as they come, so I’m not too worried, but I do feel bad that I can’t be there with the rest of the family to help.
Okay. I think that’s most of the ranting. I recently reread/listened to David Foster Wallace’s “This is Water”, in which he talks about trying to think about the world from a viewpoint other than our default setting. It’s my go to stress talk. Which is to say, the view that we are the center of the universe, and all things that happen do so to inconvenience us directly. I have clearly fallen into this trap the last few weeks, and really want to change that.
The plan is to
- Blog not just when I’m frustrated, but when I’m happy too.
- Do it more often than every 2 months!
- Better appreciate the fact that I do not have to learn everything 100% right now. If it’s really important for my medical career, it will come up again. And I’m not going to be thrown out on my own for quite some time.
- In light of 3., make more time for things like running!
- Figure out how I’m going to pay for that damned tail light.
To close on a happy note, here’s a picture of me and Mr. Mustache (aka my dad) at my white coat ceremony.